Inspiration

So, I have joined yet another bandwagon, first facebook, now a blog. I try not to be a follower, but now that I have my life back after completing my National Boards portfolio, I am feeling unusually inspired to write a blog. Maybe it is because I am not used to actually having free time, and I have an unusually hard time relaxing, so I feel the need to do something semi-productive. For whatever reason, I decided to make my first post about how the Lord has recently tugged at my heart. I serve on a greeting team at church, and this past weekend during our "huddle" time, rather than having the usual devotion, we heard the testimony of a firefighter who was once addicted to gambling, but through grace was rescued from his addiction. As he was sharing, I began thinking to myself, "Gosh, my testimony seems so boring compared to his. I wish I had one of those miraculous life changing testimonies like so many have. I wish I had some really aww-inspiring story to share." I began to think about what I would share if asked about my testimony. I think for those of us raised in church, particularly in the "Bible Belt South," it is often hard for us to think about how we really came to know, understand, and love our God because it is a part of life that has always been there. We don't really know life without it. I mean for me, we moved to NC when I was 7, started going to church, I accepted Christ when I was 9, and have pretty much walked the straight and narrow ever since (minus a few bumps along the way). However, I began to think about how it can often be more difficult for those who have grown up in the church to maintain and understand an intimate relationship with God. We get so comfortable with living the "Christian" lifestyle that we have always known, and we often forget and neglect to value our relationship with Christ, and the great sacrifice that was made for our freedom. This was never more clear to me than when I was in college. It was at that point that I began to truly understand what being a Christian was about, because for the first time, I realized my inability to control my life, and how much I truly needed Christ. It is there I feel my testimony begins, and it is there that I will begin sharing a brief enlightening moment (well, if you know me, you know it won't be brief, so get over it ;) ).

For most of my childhood I had the typical picture perfect world. I lived in the suburbs with my middle class family (complete with the two kids and a dog). My parents were, and still are, happily married after 32 years. I took dance and cheered, my sister played soccer and ran track. We spent two days a week at church, and the rest of the days on one athletic field or another, or with youth group. We had barbeques in the backyard with friends, while we played volleyball in the side yard or horseshoes in the back. I was a straight A student, as was my sister. My parents were loving and involved in every aspect of life. Daddy took us out on the boat and taught us how to fish, while Mom taught us how to cook, made our costumes, and worked on school projects. My childhood was very similar to that out of a storybook (it wasn't all a bed of roses, but for the most part, I can't complain). Because of the way I was raised, I often took for granted the blessings in my life. I also took for granted my Savior. That is until it all came tumbling down. Through a series of events, that are too numerous, detailed, and painful to recount right now, my sister became very ill when I was in college. What began as compulsive exercise, led to a battle with anorexia and many other life altering decisions with serious consequences that had a major impact on the entire family. What many do not realize is that anorexia is a very serious mental disorder that has various ripple effects. As a result, many weeks were spent in the hospital or at a rehab center hundreds of miles away, wondering how this could have happened. Financial, emotional, physical, and spiritual hardship befell my family in the worst way. My perfect world had crumbled. I was embarassed, disappointed, and bitter. I didn't understand why God would allow this to happen to my family. Why didn't she listen? Why was she doing this to herself and my family? Why was she being so selfish? Why wasn't she thinking before acting? It was through the next seven years that I realized that God allowed this to happen for multiple reasons, one being so that I would understand his grace and mercy. I had to understand what it meant to give freely, despite what a person deserves. Because my life had gone according to plan in the past, I had never been required to do this. I was broken, and needed to be broken. He was requiring me to love someone who didn't want to be loved, nor did I think deserved my love, help, and support. It was then that I realized, that is exactly what Christ has done for me. I don't deserve anything that I am given, but he gives it freely. I don't deserve salvation and eternal life, but He gives it to me despite what I deserve. Through recent years, God has continued to break my "perfect" world in many different ways, but each time He does, I grow to understand that it is necessary. I have learned that without these moments, I would be a lukewarm Christian, the type God "spews out of his mouth." I would continue to be complacent and comfortable just skimming the surface of life. The blessings I receive would be neglected and taken for granted. Ironically, there is a quote in the book Because of Winn Dixie that I read to my students each year that talks about how we wouldn't understand the sweetness of life without the sadness. I couldn't agree more.

I am happy to say that although my sister's illness continues to be a journey with highs and lows, she is doing much better, and I am very proud of the growth she has made. She is a blessing to me, and I love her dearly.


So, there you have it, a small window into a much more complex testimony of my life. I knew I couldn't make it brief!